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Feelings for EVAN2 Thursday, Apr. 24, 2003 12:44 Oh I gotta add another entry about Evan. I kinda never finished that entry. Yes I am in love with Evan and No I will never stop. That's what you call true love. I think maybe maybe I can love someone else while I still love him. But honestly I don't know if I can. Because for the first time in my life I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone. Also I'm very happy and content where I am in life. If something happens it happens. I'm not looking or expecting anything. Back to Evan. I don't know. I'm glad he came home. I feel well like I said content. Shit I don't even feel the need to call him or anything. He called the other night appartently. Said I called him. I laughed told his mother he was looking for an excuse to call, cause I never called him. She said he sounded down. As much as I want to be there for him. I can't. I mean I'll be here if he wants to call, but I'mnot going to call him and have him be like do i bore you do you still want me questions....when um let's see he doesn't care (WHATEVER) It's just I'm tired of it. I don't think I would ever say that. But I jsut don't want to deal with it. I love him. and someday I would hope that things can work. But he's just not trying in life. Not at all. And that upsets me. I can't deal with that. Cause sure I'm crazy and have my issues, but I'm dealing with them. I want to work on them. I honestly don't know how I feel about Evan. This movie I saw last night. The new one with Vin deisel in it. Made me realize. I don't have to move on. I don't have to get another man or whatever. I can just be where I am and take my time to grieve.....cause it is a loss. He may say I need to move on. But he hasn't. It's funny cause he thinks just cause he has a girlfriend that means moving on. Sure doesn't. I dunno well that's it for now. I just shit I'm still trying to figure out what I am thinking and feeling about him.OK. I look like crap in this pic so I don't want to hear it. But there are very few pictures of me and Evan cause I'm the one always taking pictures....and we always excluded ourselves from others. SO um yeah. Forget the Past ~*~ Hope for the Future Link me! <a href="http://sailorschica.diaryland.com"><IMG SRC= "http://sailorschica.diaryland.com/images/sailorschica.gif"></a> xx xx