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Bastards2 Friday, Nov. 14, 2003 14:12 Men....what can I say. They are stupid and ignorant and seem to not know a good thing when they see it. I fell for this stupid bastard and I hate it. I really hate the fact that I fell for him, and I tried so hard not to, but I did. And trust me I hate to admit defeat. I hate to admit that I gave in, when I fought so hard not to, and then I did, I finally thought I was making a good decision, but only to be fucked over in the end. What did I do? I sacrificed work, school, and my family (nicholas) for this stupid little fucking jackass that somehow convinced me (yes the player of them all) that he was true to his feelings and wanted to be with me forever, would do anything for me and etc....And what I hate the most is that I believed him...and it affected every part of my life. I sarficed work, because he'd want to spend the day together, school beacuse he'd be up my ass and I was studying as much. My life with my son, because paying attention to him took away from caring for my son, and also bringing him into my son's life ( my son called him daddy) and him acting like a father to my son was the stupidiest fucking mistake I could have ever choose to make. That's what I hate the most about myself. That's what I beat myself up for the most. My son still looks for him in the morning. He walks into my room after he wakes up saying "dada" and no ones there and he may only be 20 months, but he knows, and he looks so fucking sad.....that's what kills me the most. I can get over being treated like shit. I can get over a lot of stuff. I can forget people as easily as when I never knew them, but it's hard to forget when your son misses him more then you do. I hate myself. I swear the next person who hurts him is dead. Just plain fucking dead. I will beat them to fucking pulp. I can't even explain to you how screwed up he is.... I can't even explain it. Like he's crazy literally. He's bipolar or something. He's a complusive liar and a really good charmer too. There was something about him I hated to begin with, yet this appeal I could not explain. He had this disgusting manipulative way of pissing me off and then making me feel so much better. Which just fucked with my body's stress level. I don't know. I fucking hate him and would like to rip out his heart and shove it up his ass. Yeah that would be nice....hey quick I need a rebound.........................................................................................got bored and made a link for the club I go to all the time. Outland! <a href="http://www.cringe.com/outland/"><IMG SRC= "http://sailorschica.diaryland.com/images/outland.jpg"></a> Forget the Past ~*~ Hope for the Future Link me! <a href="http://sailorschica.diaryland.com"><IMG SRC= "http://sailorschica.diaryland.com/images/sailorschica.gif"></a> xx xx