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my weekend Sunday, Jul. 06, 2003 23:11 Well. I went to my dad's. I didn't end up seeing Kim which makes me feel bad cause I was only 45 minutes from her so I felt I shoulda went. I just didn't have the energy with driving so much and all the work I've been doing --going to school and also working. Doing my homework plus chasing Nicholas around. So I feel bad. I hear she's doing better which I'm glad because if I knew she wasn't better or she got worse I would be there in minutes. Thursday night after work and school I went to my Brother's girlfriends house becuase the Columbus fireworks are a minute walk away from her house. I didn't stay though. I left and went home to pack to leave. Then about 30 minutes later I was on the road to my dads. I arrived there about 2 am. I basically went to sleep right away. Jared is great with Nicholas and got up with him every morning and let me sleep in a few hours. That is my dad's girlfriends son. He's been in love or something with me for like 8 years. I stay at their house when I visit cause my dad likes to let my child molesting uncle living with him......but we're going to think happy thoughts and change the subject now aren't we?? So after all this time there is something going on between me and him. I'm not sure what. I do love him. He's been a friend for so long and all. Seems like no matter what he's always been around. We knew each other in school and then when he moved away my dad had started dating his mom so I would still be in contact with him in some way. And even now.....he's moved back with his mom and so when I go and visit my dad he's there and around. It's odd in a way. Like it was meant to be but I could never see it. But I'm not going to go all off about that or anything cause I don't know how I feel or where it's going to be. And it's fine and dandy with me. I don't think I am ready yet til i know it's right to make a commintment to anyone or anything. So having this unspoken relationship is ok with me. It doesn't freak me out. It doesn't have me all worried weather it will end tomorrow or the next day so I'm just taking it one day by one day. And our parents have no idea either and we're keeping it that way for now. That's also unspoken. I dunno. And not knowing is fine. The guy that I went on a date with a while back he acted like he was so into me then he kinda blew me off and then finally the other day I sent him a message asking what was up and he replied that yeah he had been kinda sketchy and that he's been going through some shit he was leaving for the weekend and would be back and would talk to me then. Hmmmm. i dunno. I guess thats good right? In the message I sent I said Well if you don't reply I guess you are really blowing me off...So we'll see. I know I know I just said something about another relationship...but I don't know what I want. I've meant great guys but I'm just not willing to commint to any of them right now. I jsut can't. On another note. Evan shipped out today. As much as I wanted to go and say bye or talk to him or anything. I couldn't I couldn't bring myself to do it. There wouldn't have been room with Nicholas and me and Jacquenline in her truck and I just don't trust my car that far. I can't believe it hasn't broken down on me yet. I'm sad about it. But what can I do? It's easier for me just to pretend I'm okay and not stressed about it. Then just wait one day I'll break down and go crazy and they'll lock me up for weeks cause I've held so much in. Sigh........I love him so fucking much and I always will and I just wish everything was perfect and things could work for everyone. But life's not like that. Forget the Past ~*~ Hope for the Future Link me! <a href="http://sailorschica.diaryland.com"><IMG SRC= "http://sailorschica.diaryland.com/images/sailorschica.gif"></a> xx xx