now i'm bound by
the life you left behind
your face it haunts my
once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased
away all the sanity in me
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 Wednesday, Jun. 25, 2003
10:17
Huh. I don't know what to say. I was feeling better. Hell better enough to go out on a date. Which went good I think ...I had fun. He was fun and talkitive. Which is always good in my book. LOL he told me how hot I was like every two minutes. So Hell by the time I got home I was feeling like a hot lil tamale. Feeling great about myself. Of course days later it's faded and I'm just blah. Been thinking about Evan and he pisses me off so much. Drives me mad. I've tried not to think all week. I can't sleep cause my brain keeps trying to think and work out my life and all and I just won't let it. I can't let it or I'll start to bore holes into my head with a dull electric screw driver. People just don't seem to understand what it's like. I mean I've never been depressed like this. I've never wanted to not be around people. I've never just given up like this. I would have given up right now if I didn't have Nicholas around to knock some sense into me. So instead of thinking and dealing with my anger and hurt I ignore it and not let myself think about it. In the end I'm sure I'll have some sort of nervous breakdown from it all. So I haven't wrote lately cause I don't want to sit and think.... I haven't been online much. I've been watching tv and then sleeping or playing some games online for a bit. I just haven't felt like writing. I'm sorry i know all you nosey people like reading all about me and my life. School starts on Monday and I'm stressing so bad about it. grrrr. The car is all fucked up and I asked my dad for money and he's avioding me. So either he doesn't want to give it to me or doesn't have it. Probably doesn't want to give it to me cause I know he has it. It's summer. He has more money then ever right now. But....it's ok. He doesn't see an urgency in it I suppose. I should drive up there and see him and then it's in his face. I should go just to get away for a few days. I really wanted to go and see Evan cause we really need to talk and all and I just can't deal with him over the phone. But....I don't trust the car. And JAcqueline plans on going but she has a truck and so there isnt room for the baby. I don't know. I sat up all night thinking of that. And there is no one to watch him so I probably won't go and there will be so much more damn stress on me cause I'm not able to talk to him and work everything out. I'm done for now. I can't think enough to write anymore
Forget the Past ~*~ Hope for the Future
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