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Emailed to me from Brian. What an idiot Sunday, Jun. 11, 2006 13:55 You are a dumb bitch. I hate your guts. Every last thing about you disgusts me. I lived at the Maynard house and my parents pissed me off with their attitudes towards me. Because I failed to take inititive to go to Florida, and bccause I sent a long stupid letter to my dad at his place of employment, his response was to call me names and belittle me. I hated Mario and his girlfriend for being ugly greasy looking kids that were happy and confident. I hated Brian for being a nigger and for bringing drama about his ugly dumb girlfriend Pam. His attempts to bum change of me and be jobless pissed me off. There was nothing about him that interested me. I hated Jeremy because the asshole wrestled with me when I told him to stop, because he wouldnt leave me and my playstation alone, because he was overly violent and initiated shit, because he was a hypocrite, and because he attacked me when I called him one for accusing me of doing something I didnt do. I hated Mark for being a child molester and a odd goofball that was letting the Maynard House go to shit with cat dumpings, roaches, and mold and mildew infested walls. I hated Joe for being a gay ass bitch that killed me with kindness and then became a vindictive lying asshole when he took money from me and didnt pay it back. I hated the other Joe for being a compulsive liar and player and for causing grief in his disregard of my prior friend Joe. I hated the loud noise, the underage misfits, the drinking, and the drugs. I hated my boss for giving me a bullshit job where I accosted hot women every fucking day and couldnt do a damn thing about it. And I hated my life because I couldnt obtain the things I wanted, know the things I wanted, be who I wanted, and be recognized the way I wanted. And then I met you, and I expected something good to happen if I just treated you right. But you spent my monies with no regard of future consequences. I believe in budgeting. I tired to work but I hated everyone at work because they were a bunch of flagrant assholes running their mouth and playing power games to get what they wanted. I hated you because you bitched about cleaning, smoking, and drinking, yet you are guilty of every last one of them and to a 100 to 0 ratio in comparison to me. My place always has been and remains neat. I've seen your place trashed and I've seen your ashtrays. You bitched at me for rearranging your shit yet you wanted me to make myself at home. You bitched at me for placing my stuff in the hallway closet yet Craig did the same thing. You threw my shit out because you didnt give a damn if you ever saw me again or not. You threatened to take the roof over my head. You lied about my money and credit cards saying your son had them when you did. You accused me of being physical abusive when I wasnt. You accused me of being unfaithful when I was committed to you. You used violence and intimidated me with another male because you were to quick to rely on him for transportation instead of doing things together, you and I. You accused me of not trying hard enough when that is all I wanted to do, and then fucking fucked two strangers in two days giving them blowjobs when you just met them. You even set up dates with guys at work without my knowledge or approval. When I was on the streets you made no effort to contact me because you didnt give a fuck. I told you 10 times beforehand that the only place I had to go was Faith Mission AND you had my email. Since then, I've wrote in your tag board, I've sent emails, I've visited your place, and I've talked with your mom. I gave them my numbers yet you made no effort to contact me. I went to jail for you because of your ticket. You know I have a court docket because of my pending cases with the law yet you never looked up my address and came to visit me. Everything you said you would do, you havent. I dont see you in school obtaining a nursing degree. I dont see you in a house or even an apartment on Indianola. I dont see you working out. You didnt even keep your job at the sales company long after I left. And that's after you fucked and made fun of the manager. Do you know what I've done since I've left? I almost killed you and Craig. I wanted to tattoo whore on your forehead, and shave your little bitty eyebrows and hair. I wanted to piece your dragon tattoo with a sword. I've stolen like $400 worth of shit when on the streets. I've had involvements with the law like 5 times, and I've been having a misdemeanor 1 charge pending for 6 months because I had a gun with no bullets in it. I've looked good at times, so damn good I could have any girl I wanted but I didnt go for it, because I wanted economic freedom. I've lost that attraction and sex appeal. I know a bitch from ghana, africa that will probably fuck me in a heartbeat but I dont want her because I hate women. My only friend is a 52 year old guy that pats my ass and drones on about philosophies and methods of life.... which are all bullshit because I'm tired of a world that treats people thus. I wanted to and wouldnt mind killing and destroying a certain black individual in Mansfield. Because of him I am crippled for life. I dislike all black individuals and those fucking redneck hillbillies you know and or live with. Right now after all I've done, and my stubborness (which I desired to be a good trait), I am in danger of losing my home, my life, and my sanity because I cared about you and wanted to prove to the world that I am a person and I will be successful with or without you. And after all this all I know is that my life is incomplete, that I keep getting handed these obstacles, and you actually have the nerve to sit back after all this time and complain because I dont talk to you when all you are is a ugly sweaty, cat urine smelling, fat bitch with 2 kids, with a history of drama and trouble, psychotically unstable, skin cutting, drug using, dick sucking, social security whore. At least I have an excuse. I dont want to be in jail. I have an excuse because I don't want to work anywhere. I have an excuse because attorneys in court play me. I have an excuse because I can't obtain employment with a warrant for my arrest. I have an excuse because I dont want to loose my place. I have an excuse because I have goals and I try to made ammends when I see that I cant overcome a certain obstacle. I have an excuse because I try to be creative, resourceful, and productive. I have an excuse because I'm not hiding up some pussy. I have an excuse because I have to jack off. I have an excuse because I'm me and no one knows what its like to be so to assume something of me is ass-u-me.. making an ass of them and me. I dont know what to to do now. The clock is ticking, I dont want to talk to my parents because I sent them a letter and just thinking about life disgusts me. I just might get so angry that I might want to hurt someone again because of them. I'm so tired of my life being so vulnerable and not being able to accomplish or have what I want. There is no such thing as Constitutional right, or justice in this fucking country. But I've assumed thats pretty much everywhere as well. All I want is a great body, a great life, a great happiness, great looking female friends, great knowledge, best health I can obtain, great fortune, and great fame if I can learn the things I need to obtain it without loosing integrity. These might be too much to want. But why should I settle for less? Oh, did I mention freedom? But you know what. There is nothing I can do now. Except wait. Does my court case go into appeal? Does it get approved? Who will be in my life? What mistakes have I made and who is going to be my punisher? Will a bitch named Natasha Starr Martinez call the cops on me and have me arrested or will she go get her nigger or redneck friends to go fuck with me? Do me a favor. Lick a cucumber and shove it up your ass. I'm sure you could fit a grocery store in there. Bitch. Forget the Past ~*~ Hope for the Future Link me! <a href="http://sailorschica.diaryland.com"><IMG SRC= "http://sailorschica.diaryland.com/images/sailorschica.gif"></a> xx xx