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It's starting again.... Monday, Mar. 01, 2004 16:20 Well....I now have a boyfriend. We have broken up twice and had some issues. We're both crazy and screwed up, so we just keep reacting on each other. Currently we're together, though I don't know how I feel or what to think or how to act anymore. I feel like when it comes to him everything I do is wrong and I keep fucking up and when everything is perfect, something happens to where it isn't anymore. Things have changed in the past week and the relationship isn't what I was enjoying so I don't know how long this is going to last. I want thing just as they were. I'm still at the bar/club every weekend. I'm bored and sick of the place though. It's so dramafied. The best I can do is keep myself distanced from everyone so I don't care what they are saying doing or what is going on in their lives. It's kinda like since me and Terry started to date, it's not fun. I can't be all flirtly and fun. I have to be cautious of everything I do in case someone takes it wrong and it gets back to Terry. I don't work on stage hardly at all, maybe three times since we got together. I dunno. I'm different. I've changed and I'm unhappy. I thought I wanted this, I thought I wanted this relationship, but I don't know. I'm not happy. I don't know if it's him, or me. I know he does bring more stress in my life, but he also makes me feel good. All my friends are saying I was alot more happier before we got together and that I was a lot more fun. I know I love him. I know things were going great and I was really happy...I was thinking we had a future. But him moving and things changing and him getting a roommate actually affected things a lot more then I would think they would. Partially because we aren't spending as much time together, partially because we can't just hang out with no worries.....he has a roommate that he has to check with about everything. I just want things laid back and relaxed again. Plus....we had talked about living together, but he got a roommate instead which really pissed me off because in his opinion since he got a roommate I couldn't live there. I don't know....but him doing that caused me to change all my opinions of him and our relationship and made me feel as though he isn't as serious and I don't trust him or have in him like I did. And he's putting all these rules down and won't compromise and do anything for me. I don't know...everyday I change my mind. One day I'm happy and things are going great and the next I don't want to be with him. Frankly....I don't think I care about anything anymmore..........or anyone for that matter. Forget the Past ~*~ Hope for the Future Link me! <a href="http://sailorschica.diaryland.com"><IMG SRC= "http://sailorschica.diaryland.com/images/sailorschica.gif"></a> xx xx